Relationship Answers – Julie Nise

The teleseminar last week was so interesting… and I’m grateful to Julie & Brit for sharing their Facebook Problems with us live on the call.  There were always ways to go ‘over the line’ in a relationship and get involved inappropriately with members of the opposite sex, but sites like Facebook.com make it so easy… it’s just on the computer…

How Facebook Problems Start

It starts as an innocent conversation, maybe with a long-lost high school friend.  You get connected again, and all the talk about old times and fun things you did…. then somebody says something with a little sexual innuendo.  It’s fun.. harmless..right?  Well, maybe not.  Then once the door to more intimate conversation is open, it tends to escalate, and before you know it, you may even make plans to meet, date or even become physically sexual… all outside the awareness of your partner or spouse. 

You’re in the Danger Zone!!

If you are married or in a committed relationship, it’s very important to maintain your integrity and honesty.  Make no mistake; when you are acting on being sexually interested in someone other than your spouse or partner, that is a form of ‘cheating’.  The damage from that decision can be far reaching.  Regardless of how innocently it starts, if you’re using facebook.com or something like it to carry on an inappropriate interest in someone else, you’re over the line.

Another couple in trouble…

Just yesterday another couple came in with a similar issue.  He had been caught emailing an old high school girlfriend.  Just a few emails not even a dozen all together over a few month’s time. But when the last couple of them turned sexual (his old girlfriend was going through a divorce and was feeling lonely) he got in over his head and now they’re thinking of divorce because the trust was so damaged.

The best plan

The best thing to do is think ahead: what will the outcome of this action be?  Or even better, ask yourself honestly: “Would I write this same email or post this on some one’s wall in facebook if my wife or husband (or significant partner) were standing right there watching me?”  If the answer is no, you probably shouldn’t hit ’send’.

Do you have similar Facebook Problems?

If you’ve been through something like this, I’d love to hear what your experience was.  Did it work out in the end?  Did you and your partner work together to get past the trust problem and make your relationship better? Or, did it mark the end of the relationship?

Julie Nise,
RelationshipAnswer.com

Surviving Infidelity is a very serious issue in a lot of relationships. There are some common misconceptions about it. One of them is that it is mostly men who cheat. Not true, it is actually pretty evenly divided. A second misconception is that you cant possibly survive infidelity. That also is not true.

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Unfortunately most couples just really dont have the skills or the tool set to really understand what to do to repair an infidelity. So in that case its a good idea to find qualified therapist or clergy person to be of assistance because there are some very specific things you must do if you plan on surviving infidelity and rebuilding trust.

Trust is the thing that is most damaged in an infidelity. Later on though, if you can work through the issues and really change your relationship for the better many people find that you actually end up with a better, much stronger relationship than you ever had to start with. Because a lot of the early mistakes and expectations that were not quite accurate get corrected and resolved and that is the important thing because remember the outcome you are looking for is to have a happy, safe, healthy, loving marriage.