Comments on: Facebook Problems – How Facebook Can Ruin Your Relationship

By: Julie Nise

Julie Nise — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 15:36:02 +0000

Hi Grumpy Girl;

How about we cut to the chase? You don’t actually have a bf. You have a guy that hangs out with you (probably with benefits) and has a lot of superficial relationships with other girls. That means to him, you are NOT valuable or very important. He is still “playing” and you’re trying to be serious.

Cut this guy loose and go spend your time and invent your heart with someone who wants you – not a bunch of other girls to talk to. If a guy really likes you, he won’t want anyone else. But it is up to you to set the standard for what you will or won’t put up with. Men will usually act just about as well or as badly as their women expect and require. You haven’t expected too much from this guy… or maybe you expected more but tolerated it when he didn’t deliver. Give him the boot! He is being very disrespectful.

Good luck!

Julie

By: grumpy girl

grumpy girl — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 08:54:05 +0000

my bf constantly sits on facebook and is always chatting to other girls etc etc, getting really close to them , having his deep and meaningfulls on there but I get none of that at all. We used to talk a lot. We used to have deep and meaningfulls, he used to post to me on facebook and say nice things. He is constantly adding new girls to his facebook profile but they always seem to be really hot ones which he denies totally and says he just adds people that he thinks are “pleasant ” to talk to and to whom he has interesting conversations with but he adds girls that he hardy even knows…that isnt even close mates with him- for example he met a girl at my sis bday and had a convo with her then the next day he added her and started chatting mentioning to me “he was interested in what she studied- child physcology, nothing else. But the thing is this sorta thing happens a lot of the time and I hardly see him the way I used to, he has little or no interest in me yet he says he loves me. i hate facebook. I get plenty of opp with other guys but I never act on it or randomly add them then have huge facebook chats with them. I understand friends etc…but he thinks I am a jealous controlling relationship- he also constantly talks to other girls about our relationship when we are having problems…i only ever talk to my girl mates…never to the guys.

By: grumpy girl

grumpy girl — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 08:49:02 +0000

By: steve

steve — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 18:51:00 +0000

Hello, I am 26 years old and have been married for 5 years. Facebook, Myspace, and AOL instant messenger and have caused significant damage to our relationship. I have felt hurt, betrayed, and any other painful emotion because of bad experiences with these sites. I don’t even like these sites and don’t have my own but my wife has all of them and I always find myself spying on her sites absolutely hating what I see. There are extremely sexy pictures of her, guys making sexual and disrespectful comments to her, and comments from guys that would suggest their the best of friends (who I’ve never met). These sites have made me jealous and insecure and I keep warning her that it will break us up. I have wrongly and sneakily gotten her password to each of her accounts and signed into them once justifying my fears by finding some horrible things such as her sending pictures to strangers of her in lingerie. I dont know what to do, I’ve told her that if she wants to be with me she is gonna have to get rid of the sites, but she has no interest in doing that. It sounds weird but this otherwise loving and very close relationship has been significantly injured due to facebook, myspace, and instant messenger.

By: Julie Nise

Julie Nise — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 14:55:33 +0000

Hi Gen;

Well, I’m shocked you’re confused!
Your boyfriend is being quite clear on what’s important to him, and very obvious about how he wants to handle his relationships with other women. There doesn’t seem to be any inconsistency on his part at all, and he also does not show any inclination to change. WAKE UP! You’re in a relationship with a guy who has other values and agendas, and they don’t match up with yours. Living together is a very bad decision by the way…especially if you’re wanting a committed relationship. You started a fling with this guy when you were still a teenager…which means you had no real life experience and your judgement wasn’t matured. You’ve now devoted a big chunk of time and your emotions into a relationship that’s going in two very different directions, and instead of seeing what’s in front of you, you complain about it and make him the bad guy. If you’re with a guy who doesn’t share your vision of how the relationship should be, isn’t ready or willing to commit to you and be accountable for the effects of his decisions on you, MOVE ON! Bitching about it won’t change anything. You’re wasting time. You need to get out and date around (not sleep around) and use dating for the purpose it is intended: to meet and get to know as many guys as you can so that you can easily and accurately determine if they have ‘long term potential’. In other words, you need to get good at checking out how your dating partners goals and personalities and values match up with yours, and when they don’t instead of trying to “change him” over to your way of thinking,(the usual girl thing to do) GET ON DOWN THE ROAD! It’s a big world out there. Your boyfriend isn’t that into you. Go find somebody who is.

By: NeNe

NeNe — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 00:35:22 +0000

Hi,

I have been with my BF for over a year now & I recently friend requested him after my phone broke & I was sending him a message on Facebook. Well I friend requested him & I thought maybe he didn’t see the email/messages yet. (his internet was off) But I went back on to check & it was brand new saying request him as a friend! So he ignored or deleted my request & I am very hurt as I was planning moving to his city to be closer. (we live 100miles apart now) I don’t want to confront him because it is truly embarrassing to me that I have to even talk about this! I feel worth sooo much more. He hasn’t brought it up or said I didn’t accept it or anything. Plus I saw a Old female he used to mess with & found explicit pictures years ago on his MP3 player that he wasn’t ashamed of or apologetic for me seeing! I feel he shouldve apologized & said I will erase them. This female commented on one of his pictures saying she was thinking about him too, as the pic showed him thinking per se. Something about a man that hides stuff, cell phone on lock 24/7, set the privacy so I couldn’t see any pics or his wall on Facebook. Damn shame how I feel, and you supposed to be in a serious committed relationship!? Yea ok!

By: meef

meef — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 23:18:56 +0000

Hi,
I’ve been with my boyfriend on and off for about 2.5 years. Facebook has always been a problem between us. He has had way more sexual partners then I have (he’s 6 years older then me, I’m 22, hes 28) and all of them seem to be on his friends list. When we first started dating and things weren’t serious, I saw msg that he had sent to other girs that were very sexual and suggestive. I also know that during our time of not being together, he was permiscuos, when I wasn’t. Now we live together and seem to fight all the time about facebook. I find it very difficult to not look at his page and see who he’s been adding, and it always seems to be a very good looking woman, which makes up for about 80% of his friends list. He owns a hair salon, so he says he adds them as potential clients for business and networking. He doesnt like to be on facebook in front of me, its always when he’s in the bath or after I go to bed. I’ve walked out into the living room after he though i was in bed and as soon as he saw me he quickly hides his phone. I saw that he was on facebook looking at pictures of other girls and another time he was having a conversation with someone, I never found out who. Then he turns around and yells at me for “sneeking up on him”. He heard a statistic that facebook raised the national divorce rate by 20%, after he heard that he told me he wanted to delete his profile and that he wanted me to delete mine too. A couple weeks went by and he never deleted his. He then got mad at me for suggesting it, because he doesn’t feel that he should have to delete it just to make me happy. IT WAS HIS IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! Ive recently deleted me account because it just causes too many problems. He always gets mad at me for “stalking” his profile and always wanting to know who his new friends are. I’m very confused!!!

By: Julie Nise

Julie Nise — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:23:14 +0000

Hey Coy!
Glad you like the site. I love Ireland and I’m so glad you joined us! My husband and I were in Belfast and the north of Ireland just a couple of summers ago and had a fabulous time.

So I guess I need to explain that if a girl says anything about being your friend, she’s definitely not into you. It’s ok to be a ‘nice guy’ but you don’t want to be a sap. If it’s a girlfriend your after, don’t waste time with anyone who mentions the ‘friend’ word. There are many girls who will find you attractive and want to be with you in a romantic way. Make sure you know what traits you want in a girlfriend (not just looks!!) and stay focused on finding those things you want in the girls you meet. Don’t agree to be a friend if you want more. It’s very attractive to a girl when a guy is ‘on a mission’ and very confident about what he wants. Be that guy!

By: Julie Nise

Julie Nise — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:16:49 +0000

Hi Tony;
Well, you’re in a pretty serious situation. You have a lot of ‘why…’ questions, but my sense is the answer to all of those comes down to a central theme… your wife is clearly being pulled from the ‘Godly standards’ you mention of how to conduct herself as a married woman. I am certainly not any sort of religious expert, but I feel strongly that there is a wonderful and specific standard of behavior and structure of how husbands and wives should behave, much of which is biblically based, and you wife is off the mark. As you probably know, your job as the man is to stay focused, and don’t let her pull you off you center or focus. Regardless of what she does, your job remains the same – be the strength and safety for her to turn to. Relax and realize she may be influenced by negative forces or people who are pulling her away from her commitment and covenant. Don’t chase her approval or allow her to be in charge of the direction of your marriage. Much of what immature women do in relationships is TEST the guy… not necessarily on purpose or consciously – but test they will in order to see if you’re safe and strong and can take the storming of their emotions and acting out. PASS THE TEST TONY! You are the leader whether or not she’s following you at the moment. Continue to be the voice of reason (not criticism or fear) and pray that she finds her way back to your positive intention.

Good luck to you and please make certain you’re correctly connected to your faith in this time of stress.

By: Julie Nise

Julie Nise — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:05:25 +0000

Corey;

I just read your post, and had some thoughts for you… there are a couple of things wrong in your picture! First is, if you truly are jealous – you need to fix that BEFORE you get married. Being jealous (look up the definition: showing envy or irrational suspicion) is about YOU not him. You don’t want to enter marriage which requires selflessness, forgiveness, grace and patience when you are not demonstrating those things toward your partner. It’s ok if you disagree about something like FB – it will become one of the many things you have come up that you both need to figure out and resolve in a healthy way. Look at your solution: bail out! That option doesn’t seem to be a very good strategy if you truly love someone. Yes, it is extreme! Working it out together in a calm, respectful way is the option you want to go for.

As far as your boyfriend goes, I don’t think he has his eye on the ball if he thinks it’s ok to have suggestive, flirtatious messages or photos of other women on his FB. If he respects the woman he’s with, he won’t want to do anything that causes her to be uncomfortable, but you want to be careful – you’re not the “police” of him. One of the things you want to observe is how he respects you…. how he deals with respect toward you should be one of your criteria as to whether he’s ready for marriage or not. You don’t want to marry a “little boy” who enjoys the flattery and attention of other women to the point where he leaves you feeling left out. Notice, though, if your threats to leave the relationship so quickly and abandon him are something he takes seriously, it could be the very reason he’s keeping his other options open. I would if I thought my partner had one foot out the door every time we disagreed…. wouldn’t you?